A Darkened Sky ch 1
by MusicRocksGBV
Summary: Based on a roleplay I did with some friends. It has a darker theme than my other fanfiction in Potterverse, but as the HP books go along, they DO get darker. Goin' with the flow.Based a great deal on IRL experience, and the storyline gave me a way to sh


I was his jewel, his gem, his heart…and his Sphinx.

…

And he turned away from me.

He broke it off and I don't know why.

He knew my deepest secrets, and I kept his. He loved me. But clearly, that love has turned to disdain. I don't know enough to cry anymore…where have the tears gone? They have over-flown, and now they run dry. Clearly, he despised me all along. The deceptive snake. The most minor of what I have secretly called him.

There was a time when I enjoyed thinking about him, when my smiles glowed just for him, when my entire being leapt for joy at the mere sight of him. He loved me. Each sense of physical touch meant more to the both of us than we could say. Each touch, each caress, each loving embrace. It meant something to the both of us. Or so I had thought.

Then he turned tail and ran the hell away.

Now all I want to do is bash his head in. He has caused me so much pain. I never want to see him again. It hurts … and he is the cause!

I will retreat again to the deepest, darkest recesses of my mind. It is the place that he first found me. But even there, I know I cannot escape from the hell he has created. He haunts my everyday memories and nearly everything I still do causes me pain. I can only hope he understands half the hell he puts me through. Memories of him lurk everywhere.

Glancing down at my hand, I notice the silver-like glint in the fading sunlight. That was the last gift he gave to me. A sphinx artfully intertwining a silver serpent. His symbol…and mine.

But I can't bring myself to throw it away. I love it still, even though I hate HIM. I can't wait for summertime to come.

Tears prick at my eyes…tears I thought had been long dry.

Breathless sobs wrack my entire body, curved up in this fetal position he left me in.

His platinum hair, the smells he left behind, the memory of his eyes upon myself. All of these continue to haunt me.

It has been a month already. I see him everyday, much as I wish I could avoid him now and forever. And now he has found another. I feel smug satisfaction that he doesn't look happy with her. And he gets no satisfaction from my misery…I control that part. Someday he will know the hell he is putting me through, but until then, I will watch and wait. I'm good at that.

My heart doesn't want to understand why. Maybe if it did, I might be less confused. And hurt.

Death seems like a good option right about now, but I can't resort to that. He has yet to pay.

The ring no longer decorates my finger. Instead it hangs around a long, sturdy chain around my neck, hanging between my breasts. It will remain there until I can give up the hatred I feel for him still.

I was very satisfied when I first saw him in the hall. He had bags under his eyes, his hair wasn't as kept as it once was, and the look of horror on his face as he saw the ghostly pallor of my skin instead of the ring was most satisfactory. And I can proudly say that I felt no twinge of guilt at the way his shoulders then slumped. None at all. And I'm not in denial. …I'm not!

Well, maybe a little. I never delighted in causing anyone pain before. It will take some getting used to. The way he left me…well, let's just say it's less than he deserves. Much less.

I haven't smiled in weeks. I don't expect to again any time soon. I haven't slept in months. I don't want to. Every time I close my eyes, I see his face swimming near my own and my eyes flow again.

Despite being in a room surrounded by four other girls of my year, I feel no comfort. It's all like ashes in my mouth that I'm trying to choke down. I can't bear to be close to anyone in any kind of fashion again.

Perhaps I'm being melodramatic. Perhaps I'm being overly cruel. But I don't care. I will make him hurt for what he has done.

I used to enjoy haunting the secret corridors of Hogwarts. I wandered them with him once. He has left me, and now his scent is layered in the shadows of nearly every corner of the castle.

Why did I trust so much to him? If I but had one secret left to myself, than I wouldn't feel so horrible. But I entrusted everything to his care. And he trampled on it, as though it were no better than the dirt…unworthy to coat his shoes.

The house-elves are everywhere. Even they remind me of him. I don't know why? God, what has he done to me? Why didn't I get out before I realized I had gotten in too deep? Barely admitting it to myself, I find I still love him…wishing I could hate. I suppose that is what I hate the most.

I will find other haunts. I WILL find something, somewhere, someplace that he has not encroached upon. If I can find such a place, it will certainly be a miracle. I will praise the God I have never believed in before now to find such a haven.

For now, though, there remains no thanks within my heart. I haven't found my secret place yet and I don't know that I ever will. I'm starting to care less and less. Soon, it may not matter one way or the other.

And so I find myself wandering the school's grounds. I'm only sixteen, but now, I know we'll never reunite. We had to break up a few times before, but this time, I don't think it will happen. More and more, I wander the grounds…often under the cover of night, hunched up against the light of the moon and the stars. Almost giving a half-smile, I find myself partially-glad that this is a full moon. More light to walk by, you know.

Just a few hundred paces off, I hear the howls of some wolf. Interesting, it only sounds like one. Probably wandered out of the Forbidden Forest. It was winter and was most likely looking for more prey…winter is a hard time for creatures of the forest. Food is scarce, so I decided to make myself thus as well.

Ears numb with the cold, I barely recognize the sound of one of my OLD best friends. Jen Clayton. She sounds very near the wolf, and I groan as I turn. Why is that dunce so close to that wolf? Oh, pardon me, WEREWOLF. He's transforming back to his human form.

I don't notice my hackles begin to rise as I stalk closer to her, not really caring at this point what will become of me. I just don't care anymore.


End file.
